In the second part of our blog with Dr. Francesca Sawer, we explore another often-overlooked emotional challenge for families living with allergies: guilt. Dr. Francesca shares insights into why guilt can be so heavy, how it affects both parents and children, and practical strategies—including her 7 Step Guide to Managing Guilt—to help families break the cycle and approach allergies with confidence and self-compassion.
What are some common emotional or mental health challenges people with allergies face that often go unnoticed?
Guilt is one of the biggest ones, especially in parents. Guilt about their child having allergies, wondering if they caused them, guilt for all the things their child misses out on, guilt about not being able to make things better, and guilt about reactions.
The problem with guilt is that it is so hidden but sits so heavily, like a chain pulling someone down continuously. It brings a lot of shame too, which keeps it hidden and allows it to take over. Feelings of guilt, even when unjustified, can drive a series of unhelpful behaviours that actually cause more guilt and anxiety.
I have also seen guilt develop in children, who start to feel bad for having allergies and may go on to have less positive relationships with their allergies longer term.
Have you come across any strategies or resources that really seem to help?
I think it’s a bit of a myth that there is one strategy that helps everyone. Strategies need to be tailored to the person and what is driving their specific situation. That’s why, as a clinical psychologist, I always begin by helping a person understand their unique context, triggers, thoughts and behaviours. This helps us decide which strategies are appropriate and when to apply them.
There aren’t many resources specifically focused on the psychological impact of allergies. We can borrow from evidence-based approaches for anxiety, but often those are built around the idea that anxiety is irrational or based on perceived (rather than rational) danger. But with allergies, the danger isn’t irrational, so the strategies need to be adjusted.
Most anxiety treatments talk about exposure to the feared object or situation, but this doesn’t work the same way when it comes to allergens. Exposure is not appropriate and the goal isn’t to stop avoiding the allergen but to manage living alongside, accepting some risk, but being able to more accurately risk assess from a place of balance rather than fear.
That’s why I have created my own approach called the Allergy Anxiety Method®. It starts by helping people understand their personal cycle of anxiety and introduces the concept of “safe enough”.
“Safe enough” means recognising that some uncertainties are unavoidable, and that trying to eliminate them entirely causes anxiety to spiral. It brings people back to the present moment and helps them stop the constant cycle of what ifs. It acknowledges that risk exists but allows people to focus on confidence, capability and realistic planning rather than fear.
Everyone’s version of “safe enough” will be different, and it changes over time as confidence builds. It’s also context specific—what feels safe enough at home may be different to what feels safe enough when travelling.
My method helps people begin exploring their own position on this, reflect on their beliefs about allergies and separate helpful, protective behaviours from those that are driven by anxiety. It includes a mix of practical strategies to stay in the moment and manage the physical experience of anxiety, allowing people to choose what fits their needs.
The 7 Step Guide to Managing Guilt
I’ve also developed the 7 Step Guide to Managing Guilt, because guilt carries so much shame and often stays hidden. This guide is designed to be discreet and easy to work through at someone’s own pace, with clear actions in each step. It focuses on understanding the cycle and function of guilt, lowering unhelpful high standards and introducing compassion, which is an essential skill for supporting both ourselves and others, but often lacking towards ourselves.
What’s a common misconception about Clinical Psychologists or therapy that you’d like to clear up?
You don’t have to be really unwell or have ‘problems’ to benefit from therapy or see a Clinical Psychologist. Building self-awareness, understanding yourself, default patterns of behaviours and communication, personal beliefs that you have can be really valuable to everyone.
If there’s one message you’d like to share with anyone living with allergies, what would it be?
You are not defined by your allergies, and you can live well with allergies!
There is support available and there are tools and strategies that can help you, so please do not suffer alone. The Allergy Anxiety Method® was designed to be the most affordable and accessible help there is, so if anyone is struggling with anxiety I’d recommend starting there.
A huge thank-you to Dr. Francesca for taking the time to share her expertise on such an important topic. Guilt is often hidden, exhausting, and isolating, but it doesn’t have to control your life. With the right strategies and support, families and individuals can break the cycle of guilt, embrace self-compassion, and live with allergies more confidently. Dr. Francesca’s 7 Step Guide to Managing Guilt and Allergy Anxiety Method® provide practical, accessible tools to help navigate these emotional challenges, empowering people to approach allergies with calm and  confidence. Take the first step today by exploring the guide or sign up for free weekly tips and resources here. For more information, visit Dr. Francesca’s website at www.drfrancescas.co.uk or follow her on Instagram for ongoing support – @drfrancescas.
